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How to Really Love and Train Your Tween

 

 

 

Be Patient, God Is Not Finished With Them, Or You, Yet

Oh, my goodness, there’s so much I want to say to you, mama of tweens! This is such an important time as you train your tween. And, it can be such a crazy time. It may be a time to “try men’s souls,” (women’s, too)!!! I’m going to try to narrow down what I have to say to you to give you hope and sound wisdom.

Series on “How to Love Your Children”: Read them All!

The Dawdling, Distracted Child Before You Has Hormones Raging

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How Can I Be Sure My Tween Will Grow Out of This?

Here are my 7 Steps To Raising Godly Tweens:

  1. Your example is absolutely KEY right now: Focus on Living Obediently to God.
  2. Back up and see the Big Picture: In your mind and thoughts picture the Adult your tween will become.

  3. Trust that God is at work in your tween, that He’s not finished yet(!), and Pray like crazy, partnering with God.

  4. Realize how drastically hormones and growth changes are impacting your tween.

  5. Give everyone in your family grace, mercy, and abundant patience during these years.

  6. Stay in the Word and on your knees.

  7. Be humble and fear the Lord, relying on Christ, and His Word, knowing that you will make mistakes, but God is bigger than your mistakes, and don’t be afraid to ask forgiveness of your tween.

Train your Tween: They’re Not Going To Stay This Way

He’s driving you crazy. He is totally unfocused, can’t concentrate, can’t seem to finish anything to save his life! He doesn’t remember the instruction you gave him 2 seconds ago, but remembers every line from his favorite movie or lyrics of his favorite song! 

She’s obsessed with her looks, spends hours in front of the mirror. He, on the other hand, looks like a slob. Showering? You feel like you’re on his case continually. Their room is a disaster-zone.

They have so much potential, if you could just harness it!

If they want to, they can do anything, but they don’t want to! How to motivate her is a constant struggle for you. They are so flighty, it drives you crazy. You need their help, but getting them to do a good job, to complete a job even–to finish what they started in less than hours–seems like it would be a miracle. You try not to be overcome with fear as you wonder if they’ll ever be able to function in society, hold down a job, or get married!

Focus on Living Obediently to God

There is So Much Change Going On Inside Of Your Tween

Every once in awhile, you see a glimmer of hope, but most days, parenting is exhausting! It might just be the death of you. Honestly, it’s difficult to love this child. You feel guilty about that. But, why are they drawn to every bad example, acting like toddlers, so immature, continuing with one bad habit or nervous activity after another?! You just get them to stop one and they start another! It’s so embarrassing!!! The things that they find funny and they want to watch and listen to kind of scares you, too. When they talk about their dreams and crazy ideas you wonder what’s going on inside their head?

The hard part is knowing what you should be able to expect from them.

Just a moment of peace would be wonderful. If they aren’t daydreaming, they are arguing and bickering with their siblings, or talking back to you, asking, “Why do I have to?” You find yourself getting so angry with them because they’re being a lousy example to their younger brother or sister! And they should know better, shouldn’t they?

What is going on with this child?

Your Home For God, What-to-Do-With-A-Dawdling-Distracted-Daughter

What to Do With A Dawdling Distracted Daughter!

You Won’t Believe Who They’re Going To Become: Keep Going and Train your Tween

All these thoughts and descriptions come from my own experience:) I want to encourage you, so much!!! This child won’t stay this way!!! They’re going to grow up. 90% sure. When I think of what my children acted like and how they behaved between the ages of 8 and 14, and what they are like now, as adults 34 and 30 years old, I can’t even believe it!!! But, it’s easy to forget that people grow up! Thank goodness!!! And, we forget the power of God!

You, as the parent of a tween, need to keep loving them. They aren’t oblivious to how they act, how disappointed you are oftentimes, and how much they’re failing. Keep on putting in the good Godly training, stay patient, be consistent in your example, and pray like crazy! Don’t be discouraged because you’ve repeated yourself a gazillion times. Pray for Godly character, wise companions, and God’s Spirit to work in your child.  Begin to be a consistent parent.

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Train Your Tween With Understanding Of What He’s Going Through

Imagine if you woke up tomorrow and suddenly when you reached for something it was two inches closer than it was yesterday! Imagine that your body is changing at the speed of light. Imagine that your emotions are going so crazy, it scares you. One day you can’t stop crying (and if you’re a boy, that might be even more scary for you), and the next day you’re higher than a kite!  Imagine that you live in a world where Social Media images, audio and video input, and technology are communicating what you should look like, what you should like if you want to be cool, who your role models should be, and what you should aspire to. What you’re hearing at home and in the Bible is 99% opposite of that input. How confusing would life be?

I can’t imagine growing up in this time. But, God.

If you read your Bible, you will see that it’s never been any different. The temptations may be different, and technology may be advanced, but God is exactly the same, yesterday, today, and forever. The sin nature in us is the same. Satan’s tactics are exactly the same. And he’s losing. Desperate. So, trust God, and trust your child with God.

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How To Train A Tween To Be Responsible

The Tools Are Still The Same for You to Train your Tween

Prayer is just as powerful as it ever was. Because we’re praying to the SAME GOD! Children are raised in the same way, by prayer, training in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and example. Reliance on God’s Spirit, and obedience to His Word, is still paramount.

Your child is normal. They need God. They’re going through a time of hormones, growth fluctuations, insecurities, and they need you to be calm, consistent in your example, never wavering in your trust in God, and persistent in your teaching, leading them to adulthood

Train Your Tween Remembering God Is Not Finished

God is at work in your tween. The importance of your prayer for your child cannot be overstated. Your own spiritual growth, studying the Word of God, praying, learning from the Lord, is most important. Your humility, admitting your own faults, confessing and asking forgiveness of your husband and children will be an example to them.

The importance of your prayer for your child cannot be overstated

Get your priorities straight. God, your husband, then your children. Try to keep all the distractions at bay. Be the example of what you want them to become.

Specific Steps To Train Your Tween

Set rules and routines in your home prayerfully and intentionally, and stick to them. Don’t give in to their whims, begging, whining, tears, or debating. But, be ready to forgive, and give grace at the proper time.

I recorded a Facebook video which talks about raising and training tweens. Watch it here! This is the time to train in hard work, responsibility, and following through on a task, and then have consequences you have planned in advance that are the bad guy–when they disobey, talk back, display a bad attitude or are disrespectful, don’t do what they’re told–that are clearly spelled out and that they know ahead of time, which you implement consistently for every offense.

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How Can I Be Sure My Tween Will Grow Out of This?

Loving and Training Tweens

The way to love your tween is to train them well, not overreacting, calmly responding to them with an intentional response that they knew was coming. Loving your tween means loving the Lord first, and being an example of growing in the Lord, loving His Word and prayer, and trusting God more and more. You can’t give in to your fears. God is still Sovereign and in control. You have to be growing in your spiritual life! It’s not going to be easy, and God is writing a story in your family and through the trials you go through. He’s training YOU to turn to Him with everything, to trust Him. To pray. It’s going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done to raise and train your children for the Lord! No one said it was going to be easy–but it’s worth it!!!

Series on “How to Love Your Children”: Read them All!

Have a Great Day Making Your Home For God!

I help young Christian moms be organized and have clarity and consistency prioritizing God’s unique goals for their life through my courses and coaching.

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