How to be a more submissive wife when you are very opinionated is the post I needed to read and need to be reminded of often, so I’m writing it! Yes, I am very opinionated. This makes it difficult for me to let someone else decide things and “have control.” I like to be in control. God reminds me over and over that I’m not in control. The times we live in are just one more example of that. 

“Wives, submit unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22-24

The part that always gets me in these verses is the part that says “in every thing.” Does it do that to you, too? I don’t think submission is an easy topic or thing to do, but these verses are pretty clear. It’s what God wants us to do. 

Submission is a serious topic to God, I believe, because it reflects how we submit to Him and trust Him. It talks about our priorities. It tells a lot about what we think of our God. I’m sharing a few tips I’ve learned that I hope will help you, definitely not as someone who’s arrived. I’m on this journey with you, but as someone who’s been married to one man for over four decades. Do you struggle as I have, and still do sometimes, with showing reverence and submitting to your husband? Let’s pray for one another!

I am writing these tips to you to help me remember them, so I can practice them more, too! These are ways to show respect. Respect and submission go hand in hand. 

We are to show respect to our husbands as unto the LORD. So, ladies, when we disrespect our husbands, we disrespect God. When we fight against or resist our husband’s decisions, we are saying we don’t trust God to lead through him, and we don’t believe that God is powerful enough to take care of us, to protect us, and maybe doesn’t even love us. It says a lot about our faith in God and knowledge of Who He really is. (Click the link to get my Jesus Centered Journal a 31-day devotional created using my husband’s study of the Names of Jesus, 31 Names, to know Him better. Or get the Prioritizing God’s Unique Goals for You Bundle, which includes the Jesus Centered Journal and the Heart Change to Habits Changed Journal inside it free.)

Your Relationship With Your Dad Affects Submission to Your Husband

I grew up with a dad who was a wonderful man, a faithful husband, and good provider. He loved his family very much, was extremely demonstrative, and gave hugs often to all of us (and to our friends!). He had a fabulous sense of humor and a laugh you could hear for blocks.

I loved hearing his laugh.

But he was also very intense, got angry easily, overreacted to situations, and was prone to yelling to make you see he was right. He insisted that I look at him when he talked to me, and respect was extremely important to him. If you wanted to be heard, you had to speak firmly and loudly.

When I was a child and a young teen, he and I clashed, and I was rebellious. I didn’t realize until I was in my early twenties that we had clashed mostly because I am just like him in many ways. I’m stubborn, want to be right, have a lot of words to say, and never want to lose an argument!

But when I was in my early teens, I didn’t know any of this. And I wasn’t sure if he loved me. Thankfully, he mellowed, I matured (and I gave my life to Jesus Christ!), and our relationship improved tremendously over the years.

Our family went through many trials back when I was growing up (we had serious illnesses in our family: my sister died when I was 11, my brother also needed a kidney transplant, and my father donated a kidney to him when I was 15), I lost a loved one close to me every year from the time I was in 3rd grade until I was in 10th grade, and I can see now that my dad was under a tremendous amount of pressure at that time.

But, of course, I couldn’t know that as a child. I just learned to vehemently stand my ground, argue, and not give in for love or money!

Get the Prioritizing God’s Unique Goals For You Bundle to know better how to be the woman, wife, and mom God created you to be, fulfill your God-given purpose, and achieve God’s unique goals for you! Included inside free are the Jesus Centered Journal mentioned earlier AND the Heart Change to Habits Changed Journal.

It was truly a revelation for me that my dad and I clashed because we were so much alike. He’s been gone for decades, but I’m so thankful that we grew very close over the years and had a very loving, respectful relationship after I became an adult, especially after becoming a Christian. 

I tend to be the same way as he was about someone looking at me when I’m talking to them. I will follow my husband around to get in front of him sometimes, and I tend to think he isn’t listening if he isn’t looking at me 🙂 But my husband doesn’t think this way! Though this was a way to show respect for my father, it is not the way to show respect for my husband!

You are Submitting to Your Own Husband

Every person is uniquely created by God, for a unique purpose, and different than any other person on earth! This is one of the hallmark messages here at Your Home For God!

And each of your children AND your spouse has been uniquely created by God. Put that together, and you see that every family on earth is unique. Your marriage is unique!

The Bible says to reverence your own husband, not someone else’s. That requires that you learn what your husband, not someone else’s, thinks of as respect. Does he want you to look at him when he speaks to you? Does he want you to agree with his ideas or participate in his hobbies? Do that.

It doesn’t matter what another husband or man likes. Free advice: Beware of showing your best and most enthusiastic smile, agreeable respect, and encouragement to any other man! Don’t listen sympathetically to another man’s problems, either! That’s a bonus tip!

Is your husband perfect? No. Are you? No.

Is there a marriage on earth without problems? No. Two sinners never have a perfect marriage.

I ask you, though, why do you think you get to decide what constitutes a “perfect” marriage? That is God’s job.

A Life-Changing Example of Respect

I had an experience when my husband retired that will stay with me forever. I was invited to join him at his “farewell” luncheon on his last day of work.

He had been in the same company for 27 years. That day, he gave me a “tour” around the warehouse and office, and at lunch, they had a small program for him. It wasn’t this that made an impact on me.

During that day, one by one, dozens of his fellow employees, mostly men, but also some women, came up to my husband and me, one or two at a time, and expressed words of appreciation to him and congratulations. This was not unusual.

However, if you have never experienced men interacting who have a DEEP LEVEL OF RESPECT for one another, there is nothing quite like it. As each one came up, EVERY SINGLE PERSON displayed a level of RESPECT that you could almost reach out and touch. I have never in my life experienced witnessing this level of respect before or after.

In EVERY SINGLE ONE of the interactions, and let me tell you, especially when MEN respect one another, it is literally AWE-INSPIRING. I still get chills thinking about it.

I’m so grateful that I was there to experience the respect my husband received from his colleagues that day.

And, quite honestly, ladies, it made me think, “In comparison, what level of respect does this man receive at home?”

Little Things That Show Submission

Here are some little ways that show respect and submission to a husband.

How to show respect and submission when you and your husband are talking:

💖 Look at him appreciatively

💖 Wear a pleasant expression on your face

💖 Look at him appreciatively

💖 Lean slightly forward

💖 Be attentive

💖 Nod your head in agreement, and

💖 Don’t interrupt.

Listen to him. Don’t be distracted or thinking of what you’re going to make for dinner or who you need to text or call. Listen to him.

How to Show Respect and Submission

Are you too tired to give him any attention at all? What can you do about that? An important time to show him respect (and encourage your children to do this) is when he first comes home from work. Many men work from home these days, so you may need to adjust this or ask him to give you a heads-up about when he will be “finished with work” for the day and prepare for that.

If the end of the workday is hectic, could you make a change to ensure you’re ready to welcome him home and give him your best when he comes home? Has he asked for or suggested how he would like things to be when he comes home? If so, make every effort to fulfill his wishes.

Maybe he wants to eat his evening meal at a certain time.

Has he complained that the house is a mess or that the kids are out of control when he gets home? Are you too tired to cook? Or are you working, also, and aren’t even home when he arrives?

How can you show submission to his requests?

Pray about this, and God will give you insights. If he hasn’t told you any specifics, you can show submission by asking him when he would like to eat, and then make every effort to have food ready at that time.

I hear some of you saying, “What about me?!”

What about my needs? What about the fact that I’m tired, too?!

You may work outside the home, work from home, or be exhausted taking care of the duties of a wife and mom inside the home!

I get it.

As I’m writing this, do you know what’s come to mind? Jesus, on the night He was betrayed.

Jesus, knowing full well what would happen to Him, humbled Himself and served His disciples as our example. He washed their dirty, stinky feet. The pressure that He was experiencing must have made Him totally exhausted. And, knowing who would betray Him, He also served them the last supper, including that one.

He wasn’t focused on Himself. He wasn’t saying, “What about Me? Hey, don’t you know what I’m going through?” He could’ve. He definitely deserved to.

It’s a humbling example to me.

Ways to Prepare Ahead to Show Submission & Respect When He Comes Home From Work

• Go to bed at night rather than trying to get one more thing done, so you’re more rested
• Schedule a nap earlier in the day, if necessary
• Meal plan: take out meat the night before, and plan backwards to have the meal ready when he wants it served
• Have a regular time for decluttering and picking up the house a couple of times a day (and, with your children if they are still in the home, a half hour before he’s scheduled to arrive). (I talk about this in my YouTube video on showing respect to Daddy for moms with small children.)

More Ways to be a Submissive Wife

Does your husband love a certain food or dessert? How often do you make it for him? Does he always ask you to go with him to a certain event or store, and you don’t really enjoy it, so you say no? Could you be a more submissive wife and go with him? Do you fight over something because you want control over that area, when it would be a small sacrifice to give it up and let him have his way?

I know because I’ve been there and done that! Before marriage, we were all happy to go anywhere with our future mate! We happily went to Home Depot, or whatever his favorite store is! We just wanted to be with him!

Now, after years of marriage, things have changed. But should they have?

Do you smile at your husband? Do you communicate to him through your facial expression, body language, and tone of voice (and your attitude) that he’s the best and you’re (still) glad you married him?

Don’t Wait Until Tomorrow to do What’s Eternally Important

We think we have time. We’ll focus on our husband later, when our baby is older and not so needy, when our children don’t need us as much, or when our business gets off the ground. We’ll give him more attention when our church responsibilities lessen. We’ll spend more time with him after we get Homeschooling figured out, or when we’re done! But tomorrow never comes. And we find we have filled up our lives with what was urgent but not important and eternal.

One great idea that some couples I know have implemented over the years is what they call “couch time.” They spend 15 minutes as soon as the husband comes home from work, talking and catching up together. They’ve explained this to their children, who understand it is sacred time and they must not interrupt. The children, even young ones, are trained and prepared with something to do, and they must not bother mom and dad now.

I recently heard of a couple who don’t see each other much during the week because of work schedules, so they put the kids to bed early on the weekend in order to spend quality time together. They play games, talk, and eat a meal together. By themselves. This seems to me a practice that will greatly strengthen your marriage over time.

Do these things demand sacrifice? Absolutely. Is your marriage worth it? What do you think?

God Has Given Me Testimonies About Submission

If your husband makes a decision opposite to your heart’s desire, can you trust that God has something better for you? I have had to learn to trust God to lead through my husband when this has happened throughout my married life.

I have several personal testimonies regarding this subject. My husband and I are polar opposites and rarely share the same opinion. (The good news is that on really important things, we always agree:)

I can’t say going through these times was easy for me, but the resulting testimonies are powerful and remind me to trust God more.

Testimonies of Becoming a More Submissive Wife

One example is when my husband vehemently opposed going to look at a house for sale and even got angry (he never got angry!) with me for suggesting it because he thought, at first, that it was over our budget, and I said, “That’s fine, honey; I’ll cancel the showing.” 

I submitted to his request and didn’t fret, just prayed, and the next morning, he called me from work to ask what time the appointment was because he wanted to go ahead with it and meet me at that house after work. We immediately knew it was the house for us the second we walked in the door. We made an offer on it that day, and were moved in within a month!  God orchestrated every single detail! That house (which, by the way, has increased in value about 5 times over the years) is the house we live in now, and we have lived here for over 30 years. 

Another testimony is that my husband said for years we would never travel to Europe, which was a dream of mine! I was crazy to even think about it! There was no way we could afford that. (That, by the way, is a statement he has repeated more than once, and God has made that “impossibility” possible:)

I prayed for years that if it was God’s will, it would happen. I not only prayed, though. I saved travel miles on our credit card, and I did research.

In 2018, God answered my prayers when we celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary and were extremely blessed to not only go to Italy ourselves, but also take our son, daughter, and son-in-law with us, using the air miles I had saved! I still can’t believe it! It was a dream come true.

If God wants it to happen, it will. If He doesn’t, then neither do you! And, the testimony in this is that God does things WAY BETTER, and for Way BIGGER purposes, than you can even imagine when you wait for HIS TIMING!

Before I Began to Know How to Be a Submissive Wife

I’m still learning, daily, how to be a submissive wife. But, before I had a clue(!) about what submission was, I had a testimony of NOT waiting on the LORD and submitting to my husband.

When we moved into this house that we are in now, the bathroom had really ugly wallpaper. It bothered me every day. It had one small corner that was coming up, and that corner tempted me greatly. My husband had told me, “NO, we’re not going to tackle that project now.” But I didn’t listen and gave in to temptation one day. I began ripping wallpaper off the bathroom wall. The fiasco that followed taught me a lesson I’ll never forget.

My husband and I have been married for many decades now and have lived in 3 houses. While many marriage counselors say never wallpaper together, that was one project we could agree on and do together. We have done many remodeling projects. In our early days of marriage, we completely remodeled the bathroom of our first house and remodeled much of our present home. 

In our first home, we stripped the paint from all the woodwork in a hallway with six doors and cabinets, remodeled a laundry room, took out the carpeting, put in a new kitchen floor, and painted and wallpapered more rooms than I can count. And more. 

We are a very good team when it comes to working together on remodeling projects. We had plans to work on this, our third house, too, but my husband said, “Wait,” when I brought up the bathroom wallpaper I hated.

But, every day, I would go in there and see it, and I was impatient. And rebellious. I didn’t understand WHY I had to wait! 

“I’ve seen God change my husband’s mind more than once when it was important. God moved my husband in amazing ways when I gave my will and desires to Him. We have some powerful testimonies because of this!”

Wendy Gunn

Submission Means Accepting What God Gives

I’ve heard it said that yielding and submitting are having no will of my own. Well, I don’t necessarily agree. I think sometimes it means just giving my will to God. And, being content with whatever outcome God gives. It can take some time to get your heart into that yielded state. Time in God’s Word and time in prayer. It doesn’t mean you can’t pray for the outcome that you desire. Especially if you know it would be glorifying to God. But remember, God often changes the heart of the one who cares the most. You might have to change.

It takes consistent time spent with the LORD, and a growing relationship with Him, to get to the place where I’m at peace, whether I get what I desire or not. And also, for my heart to be fine, no matter how long I have to wait, whether God decides to change my husband’s heart or not. 

The truth is, if I get to that state of having no will of my own, waiting isn’t a problem because I tend to forget all about the issue. I give it over to God and leave it with Him. 

But it isn’t always easy for me to get to that place. Getting to a state where you’re totally submitted to God’s will means you are trusting that God is in control of your life, loves you, knows what you need, or knows what He wants to give you instead, as a wise, loving Heavenly Father, and that it will be better than the thing you desire.

As I write this, though, I realize that it is MUCH easier for me to get to that place of peace in my heart now than it was when we were younger!

I have so many examples of God working in our lives and testimonies of what God did because I didn’t get my way right away… and my relationship with God is deeper. He shows Himself faithful over and over. You will have that experience, too.

In the case of the bathroom wallpaper fiasco, I hadn’t submitted the desire to God at all. I don’t remember, but I don’t think I had prayed about it. I was headstrong and belligerent. I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it now. I was acting like a toddler.

In this case, I wasn’t begging, cajoling, or trying to convince my husband. Oh, no! I was going ahead without his permission or approval! He had told me to wait! And I blatantly disobeyed.

“Focusing on the attention, respect, and submission God wants us to give our husbands can be put off to tomorrow until we realize it’s too late, and we have filled our lives with what was urgent, but not what was important and eternal.” Wendy Gunn

When You Give in, God is Free to Move

Whatever decision it is, when I give in and stop fighting, and trust God, with no will of my own, God is free to act. God begins to move. Well, of course, God is always free to act! But, sometimes, it is as if God is saying to me, “Just let me know when you’re done. Then I will act.”

I think God often wants to know if I trust Him. He watches to see: Am I grateful for what He’s already given? Or do I want more and more and more?

Have I given Him control of my life, or am I trying to manipulate Him to get what I want? (e.g., Is it my fault if that wallpaper is falling off the wall, and now we HAVE to fix it? When I actually helped that wallpaper come off the wall?)

One day, I thought, “Look at that! There’s a piece of it coming loose! I wonder what would happen if I pulled at that little piece of wallpaper that’s loose?”

I began pulling, little piece by little piece, until I had a mess. Not only did it not come off easily, but I’ve never had a more difficult room to strip wallpaper from in my life! And we’ve stripped a LOT of wallpaper!!!

My husband was not happy with me, and it was memorably the worst project I’ve ever had to do. The project was a nightmare from start to finish.

My husband reminded me several times that he wished I had waited, as he’d asked, and told me that this was why.

In contrast was the later project in which I waited when he said, “Not now,” that I’ll share in more detail about in another post, but it was in stark contrast to this one. It went so beautifully, and it was a testimony of God’s provision to us, besides!

When I submitted to my husband, saying, “Not now,” this time around, I gave my desires to the LORD completely. God then allowed me to forget about it totally, and months later, when God put it on my husband’s heart, the speed at which the project went forward was truly amazing.

It all happened so smoothly and beautifully! Not only that, we got much higher-quality materials than originally planned for a much lower price because of a sale God provided at that time, which wouldn’t have been possible if we had moved ahead sooner. 

It was obvious that when I waited for God’s timing and for my husband to lead, I was the one who benefited. This has been the story over and over in our marriage.

Why Aren’t we Wives More Submissive?

Because Christian wives don’t know their heavenly Father, the Sovereign God, as well as they should, and they don’t trust Him with their lives, they become fearful and afraid. That leads them to take matters into their own hands, instead of submitting to their husbands, and trusting that God can and will take care of them.

We Struggle to be Submissive and Fear:

• If I submit, will something bad happen?

We have the false impression that we can avoid pain and suffering if we control our own lives! (How laughable is that?! Actually, there are so many things wrong with that statement.) And we have a false belief and show our ignorance of Who God is, when we ask that question. We fear that if we let Him have control of our lives, He will do something bad to us.

• We have the impression that if we are submissive to our husbands, God will let them make decisions that will make our lives miserable. Well, that may be true if our hearts are not at peace with whatever happens.

We are selfish, want our own way, and will do anything to get it! (Or maybe that’s just me.) James 4:2-3 describes this state of our hearts when it says,

Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain:
ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss,
that ye may consume it upon your lusts.”

James 4:2-3

• God can move the heart of a king, so he can definitely move the heart of a husband.

Over the years, God has taught me, over and over, that there is a blessing in waiting for Him to move my husband’s heart. And, there is peace. Usually, it’s lust, covetousness, or pride that makes me feel unsettled or anxious, or puts me in a contentious state over something to which my husband has said, “No,” or “Wait.”

The fact is, you may never get that thing that you wanted. Do you trust God enough to accept that He has chosen the best for you?

Do you realize that God spared not His Own Son, but gave Him up for us all? Jesus, God’s Own Son, prayed and sweated blood, asking that “this cup be taken from Me,” and God said No. But, Jesus, in submission, said, “Nevertheless, not My will, but Thine be done.” He is, again, our example. He also gives us the power and strength to do it, and totally understands what we go through!

Go to Him, ask Him for help, being submissive! He knows how hard it is! He has been tempted in every way as we have, yet without sin.

Jesus knows it all, my friend. Everything you’re feeling and going through. He also knows your husband. And, He knows the blessing He wants to pour out upon your life when you submit and trust Him. He is All-powerful, All-wise, and All-loving, and you can trust Him with whatever is on your heart that keeps you fearful to submit. Trust Him.

When you leave it in God’s hands, if you get it, you are grateful, and if you don’t get it, you are grateful, because God knows what you need and He is an amazing God. God can change the heart of a king, so he can certainly change the heart of a husband, if need be.

Let’s encourage one another to be more submissive wives, especially if we are opinionated:)

Let’s trust God to work in our husbands’ lives, and look forward to powerful testimonies of His working.