How to Be a More Submissive Wife When You Are Opinionated

How to Be a More Submissive Wife when you are opinionated

How to be a more submissive wife when you are very opinionated is the post I needed to read, and need to be reminded of often, so I’m writing it! Yes, I am very opinionated. This makes it difficult for me to just let someone else decide things and “have control.” I like to be in control. God reminds me over and over that I’m not in control. The times we live in are just one more example of that. 

“Wives, submit unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22-24

The part that always gets me in these verses is the part that says “in every thing.” Does it do that to you, too? I don’t think submission is an easy topic, but these verses are pretty clear, it’s what God wants us to do. 

Submission is a serious topic to God, I believe, because it reflects how we submit to Him and trust Him. It tells a lot about what we think of our God. I share with you a few tips that I’ve learned that I hope will help you. Do you struggle as I have, and still do at times, with showing reverence and submitting to your husband? Let’s pray for one another!

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I write these tips to you in order to remember them myself, so that I can practice them more, too! These are ways to show respect. Respect and submission go hand in hand. 

We are to show respect to our husbands as unto the LORD. So, ladies, when we disrespect our husbands, we disrespect God. When we fight against or resist our husband’s decisions, we are saying we don’t trust God to lead through him, and we don’t believe that God is powerful enough to take care of us, to protect us, and maybe doesn’t even love us. It says a lot about our faith in God and knowledge of Who He really is.

Your Relationship With Your Dad Affects Submission to Your Husband

I grew up with a dad who was a wonderful man with a heart of gold and a fabulous sense of humor. I loved to hear his laugh. But, he also was stern and insisted that I look at him when he was talking to me. He was a bit dictatorial. If you wanted to be heard, you had to speak very firmly (and sometimes loudly:). When I was a child and young teen, he and I clashed, and I was rebellious. I wasn’t sure if he loved me. Thankfully our relationship improved a lot later.

Our family was going through many trials back then, (we had serious illness in our family: my sister died when I was 11 and my father donated a kidney to my brother when I was 15) and I see that my dad was under a tremendous amount of stress at that time, but I didn’t know that as a child. I just learned to vehemently stand my ground and argue, and not give in for anything! (Get “A 2020 Vision For Raising Godly Kids” to read more of my story.)

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The reason my dad and I clashed was actually because we were quite alike. He’s been gone for 31 years now, but I’m thankful that we grew closer through the years, and had a very loving, respectful relationship after I became an adult and especially after I became a Christian. 

I tend to be the same way as he was about someone looking at me when I’m talking to them. I will follow my husband around in order to get in front of him sometimes and tend to think you are not listening if you aren’t looking at me, but my husband is not this way! Though this was a way of showing respect for my father, it is not the way to show respect to my husband!

You are Submitting to Your Own Husband

The Bible says to reverence your own husband, not someone else’s. Learn what  your husband thinks of as respect. If he wants you to look at him when he speaks to you, do it. If he likes you to agree with his ideas, or participate in his hobbies, do that.

It doesn’t matter what another husband or man likes. Free advice: Beware of showing your best and most enthusiastic smile, your agreeable respect and encouragement to another man! Don’t listen sympathetically to another man’s problems, either! That’s a bonus tip!

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Little Things That Show Submission

Here are some little ways that I learned to show respect, and submission to my husband. When you and your husband are talking, look at him appreciatively, with a pleasant expression, and lean slightly forward. Be attentive. Nod your head in agreement. Don’t interrupt.

Listen to him. Don’t think of what you’re going to make for dinner, or who you need to text or call. Listen.

How to Show Respect and Submission

Are you too tired to give him any attention at all? What can you do about that? An important time to show him respect (and encourage your children to do this) is when he first comes home from work.

If it’s a hectic time, could you change something to make sure you’re ready to welcome him home and give him your best when he comes home from work? Has he asked for or suggested how he would like things to be when he comes home? 

Maybe he wants to eat his evening meal at a certain time. Has he complained that the house is a mess when he gets home, or that the kids are out of control? How can you show submission to his requests? Pray about this, and God will give you insights. If he hasn’t told you any specifics, you can show submission by asking him when he would like to eat supper, and then make every effort to have it ready.

Ways to be Ready and Show Submission and Respect When he Comes Home From Work

  • Take a catnap earlier in the day.
  • Go to bed at night rather than trying to get one more thing done so you’re more rested.
  • Meal plan and take out meat the night before, and plan backwards to help you have the meal ready when he wants it served.
  • Have a regular time of decluttering and picking up the house with your children every day a half hour before he’s scheduled to come home. (I talk about this in this YouTube video on showing respect to Daddy.)
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More Ways to be a More Submissive Wife

Does your husband love a certain food or dessert? How often do you make it for him? Does he always ask you to go with him to a certain event or store, and you don’t really enjoy it, so you say no? Could you be a more submissive wife and go with him?

Do you smile at your husband? Do you communicate to him through your facial expression, body language, and tone of voice (attitude) that he’s the best, and you’re glad you married him?

Time is not Timeless | Your Home For God

Don’t Wait Until Tomorrow to do What’s Eternally Important

We think we have time. We’ll focus on our husband later, when our baby is older and not so needy. We’ll give him more attention when our church responsibilities lessen. We’ll spend more time with him after we get Homeschooling figured out. But, tomorrow never comes. And, we find we have filled up our lives with what was urgent, but not important and eternal.

Some couples I know have what they call “couch time.” They spend 15 minutes as soon as the husband comes home from work talking and catching up together. They’ve explained to their children and they know this is sacred time, and they must not interrupt. They are trained, and prepared with something to do, that they must not bother mom and dad now.

God Has Given me “Submission Testimonies”

God has Taught me to be a More Submissive Wife and Boy do I Have Stories

If your husband makes a decision that is the opposite of your heart’s desire, can you trust that God has something better for you? I have had to learn to trust God to lead through my husband when this has happened throughout my married life.

I have several personal testimonies regarding this subject. My husband and I are polar opposites, and rarely do we have the same opinion about things.

I can’t say they were easy times, but they are powerful testimonies and they remind me to trust God more and more.

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Testimonies of Becoming a More Submissive Wife

One testimony is when my husband vehemently opposed going to look at a house for sale, and even got angry with me for suggesting it, because he thought it was over our budget, and I said, “That’s fine, honey; I’ll cancel the showing.” 

I submitted to his request and didn’t fret, just prayed, and the next morning he called me from work to ask what time the appointment was because he wanted to go ahead with it and meet me at that house after work. We bought hat house and it’s where we have lived for 26 years. 

Another testimony is about how my husband said for years that we were never going to travel to Europe! I was crazy to even think of it! There was no way we could afford that. I prayed for years and saved miles on our credit card, and we were privileged to go on a trip to Italy to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary with our whole family in 2018! (There’s a great testimony in that one!)

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Before I Knew How to be a Submissive Wife

And another testimony is of a time when I didn’t wait on the LORD and began ripping wallpaper off the bathroom wall and the fiasco that ensued. Let me tell you about that.

Have you ever wanted something so badly or something bothered you a lot? When we moved into this house, the wallpaper in the main bathroom was really ugly, and it was driving me crazy. I wanted so badly to rip it off the wall!

My husband and I have been married for 42 years and have lived in 3 houses. We did many remodeling projects in our early days of marriage. We completely remodeled almost the whole house and did completely remodel the bathroom in our first house. 

We’ve stripped paint off of all the woodwork in a hallway with 6 doors and cabinets, remodeled a laundry room, taken out carpeting, put in a new kitchen floor, and painted and wallpapered more rooms than I can count. And more. 

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We are a very good team when it comes to working together on remodeling projects. We had plans to work on this, our third house, too, but my husband said, “Wait,” when I brought up the bathroom wallpaper that I hated.

But, every day I would go in there and see it. I was impatient. WHY did I have to wait? 

“I’ve seen God change my husband’s mind more than once, when it was important. When I gave it up to God, God moved my husband in amazing ways. We have some powerful testimonies because of this!” Wendy Gunn

Submission Means Being Fine With What God Gives

I’ve heard it said that yielding and submitting is having no will of my own. It can take some time to get your heart into that yielded state. Time in God’s Word, and time in prayer. 

It takes time with the LORD sometimes for me to be fine if I get that thing I desire, and fine if I don’t (and fine with how long I may have to wait for God to change my husband’s mind!) 

The truth is, if I get to that state of having no will of my own, waiting isn’t a problem, because I almost forget all about it. I just give it over to God, and leave it with Him. 

But, it hasn’t always been easy to get to that place, for me. Getting to a state where you’re totally submitted to God’s will means you are trusting that God is in control of your life, loves you, knows what you need, or He knows what He wants to give you instead, as a wise, loving Heavenly Father.

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I hadn’t submitted this desire of mine to God at all. I don’t think I even prayed about it. I was headstrong, and beligerant. I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it now. I was acting like a toddler.

In this case, I wasn’t begging or cajoling or trying to convince my husband. Oh, no! I was just going ahead without his permission or approval! He had told me to wait! And I blatantly disobeyed.

“Focussing on the attention, respect, and submission God wants us to give our husbands can be put off to tomorrow until we realise it’s too late, and we have filled our lives with what was urgent, but not what was important and eternal.” Wendy Gunn

When You Give in, God is Free to Move

Whatever decision it is, when I give in and stop fighting, and trust God, with no will of my own, God is free to act. God begins to move. I think God often just wants to know if I trust Him. Am I grateful for what He’s already given? Or do I just want more and more and more? Have I given Him control of my life or am I trying to manipulate to get what I want? (e.g. Is it my fault if that wallpaper is falling off the wall, and now we HAVE to fix it? When in actuality I helped that wallpaper to come off the wall?)

One day I thought, “Look at that! There’s a piece of it coming loose! I wonder if I pulled at that little piece of wallpaper that’s loose, what would happen?”

I began pulling, little piece by little piece, until I had a mess. Not only didn’t it come off easily, I’ve never in my life had a more difficult room to strip the wallpaper from! My husband was not happy with me, and the project was a nightmare, start to finish.

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My husband reminded me several times that he wished I had waited, as he’d asked, and this was why.

In contrast was the later project in which I waited when he said, “Not now,” that I’ll share in more detail about in another post, but it was in stark contrast to this one, went beautifully, and was a testimony of God’s provision to us. 

When I submitted to my husband saying “not now” and gave my desires to the LORD completely, God then allowed me to forget about it and months later when God put it on my husband’s heart, the project went so smoothly and beautifully,  and we were able to get materials and successfully finish it with much higher quality products than we’d ever dreamed of, for a much cheaper price. 

It was obvious that when I waited for God’s timing, and my husband to lead, I was the one who benefited. This has been the story over and over in our marriage.

Why Aren’t we Wives More Submissive?

I believe we wives often aren’t submissive because we’re fearful and afraid and we really don’t know God, our Heavenly Father.

We Struggle to be More Submissive and Fear:

  • If I submit will something bad happen?

We have the false impression that if we control our own lives, we can avoid pain and suffering! And, we have the false belief about Who God is that if we let Him have control of our lives, He will do bad things to us. (Boy, that is not knowing God!)

  • We have the impression that if we are submissive to our husband, God will let him make decisions that will make our lives miserable.
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We are selfish, want our own way, and will do anything to get it! (Or maybe that’s just me.) James 4:2-3 describes this state of our hearts when it says, “

Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain:
ye fight and was, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss,
that ye may consume it upon your lusts.”

  • God can move the heart of a king, so he can definitely move the heart of a husband.

Over the years, God has taught me over and over that there is blessing when I wait for Him to move my husband’s heart. And, there is peace. Usually it’s lust, or covetousness, or pride that motivates me to feel unsettled, or anxious, or to be in a contentious state over something to which my husband has said, “No,” or “Wait.”

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God knows it all, my friend. Everything  you’re feeling and going through. He also knows your husband. And, He knows the blessing He wants to pour out upon your life, if you will submit and trust Him. He is All-powerful, All-wise, All-loving, and you can trust Him with whatever is on your heart that is keeping you fearful to submit. Trust Him.

When you leave it in God’s hands, if you get it you are grateful, and if you don’t get it, you are grateful, because God knows what you need and He is an amazing God. God can change the heart of a king, so he can certainly change the heart of a husband, if need be. Let’s encourage one another to be a more submissive wife, especially if we are opinionated:) Let’s trust God to work in our husband’s life and look forward to powerful testimonies of His working.

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