Comparing Myself To The Best
Have you ever experienced being compared to someone else? When I was growing up, I felt, whether true or not, compared to my sister. I felt like my sister was perfect. I felt there was no way I would ever measure up to her. But I tried to be like her. She was beautiful and skinny, musically talented and could sew almost professionally and was the most disciplined person I knew.
I struggled with my weight, was not attractive (I didn’t think–cute, maybe), extremely undisciplined, very emotional, and flighty and irresponsible. Aside from that, we had a lot in common! In my effort to become just like her, I wasted years of becoming me! I didn’t know what talents I might have, or realize all the interests that I would have loved pursuing.
How Does It Feel To Know You Are The Best?
if you have ever felt yourself compared unfavorably to someone, you know it’s not fun. Then, why do we compare our children and husband to others? I remember hearing at a marriage conference many years ago that we should never point out another husband doing something nice for his wife and say to our husband, “Wow, look at that!” (basically to say, “How come you can’t be more like him?”) They said it would only make our husband despise the other man. Though I didn’t hate my sister at all, but rather tended to idolize her, comparing does affect the relationship when we compare one of our children to a sibling or someone else’s child.
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How Do They Feel When You Think Others Are The Best
It really doesn’t have any benefits. It doesn’t motivate them. It doesn’t cause them to love the person they are being compared to at all. And it sets them up for failure. Instead we should want them to say, “I’m going to be the best ME that I can be!” It is a waste of time comparing them to someone else, because if they succeed in being like someone else, it will be a waste of the fabulously unique person that God has created them to be! They would miss God’s will for their life! Let’s beware of making our children feel compared to one another or to anyone else!
If they succeed in becoming like someone else, they will miss being the fabulously unique person that God has created them to be!
We Are Not Wise To Compare Ourselves Among Ourselves
We are not to compare our children. The Bible says we are not wise when we compare ourselves among ourselves. (2 Corinthians 10:12) If we are wise, we will affirm our children and family, encourage them to pursue who God has uniquely created them to be, and celebrate that uniqueness!
I emphasize this often on this blog: You are uniquely created by God. An individual person. God has a special plan for your life and has created you extremely unique and special and He has done the same with your children. Each one is unique.
Because of this fact, and the uniqueness of your husband, and the uniqueness of your experiences and the unique trials that you have gone through and the work that God is doing in your family through those trials and His teaching…well, all of these things come together to cause your family to be absolutely unique on this earth. You have a message and a purpose that no one else on earth can duplicate.
Embrace this and don’t copy other families.
Generous (Character Quality card from Set of 30 Character Quality Cards you get when you subscribe–click the image!)
God Is The Only One Who Can Make You The Best
I failed miserably at this for a long time. And perhaps that’s why I say this so forcefully. There was a time when I thought that if I just copied my Godly friend’s family and her habits and way of raising her children that I would be successful in Raising Godly Kids.
If I just learned how to make my own bread. If I just dressed a certain way, joined the right groups, went to the right church, had the right group of friends, if I just had my children memorize certain portions of Scripture that the “Godly” kids’ families were making them memorize.
Are You Saying These Affirmations To Your Family?
And if we just did certain routines in our day such as meeting together to read the Bible at a certain time of day, in a particular way, using the same resources that the others were using, and having my husband lead, of course. If each and every thing was done exactly like the others were doing it, then we would be Godly. I would like to say I’m kidding as to the extent to which I took this thinking, but I’m not. I truly set this as my goal and believed we needed to do every one of these things.
I was convinced that all of these things would make me a Godly wife, a Godly mom, and would ensure that my children would be raised Godly kids.
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Good Goals, Misplaced Methods To Become The Best
When I say it now, it seems ridiculous, ludicrous. I cannot believe that I thought that, but I absolutely did. And when I look around at younger moms today, I see that they, like me, have believed this lie, sometimes, too. Perhaps because we so dearly want to raise Godly kids and be a Godly wife. Good, Godly goals, but misplaced methods.
Clearly we don’t understand how Godliness is achieved. We don’t know God’s goal for us as a family. Significantly, we haven’t realized that it’s not possible to achieve holiness or pleasing God and fulfilling His purpose for us, without Him doing it in us. There is so much we don’t get.
You can grow Godly character in your family, but you have to know where you’re at first, and evaluate character, to know if you’ve improved! Here is a tool to use to begin Character Evaluation in your family! This Character Evaluation Form, in conjunction with the Character Evaluation Questions, both of which you can get FREE here, will help you begin to talk with your children about what Godly character is and evaluate character together, to achieve the goal that is so important to you–Raising Godly Kids!
How To Show Your Family They Are The Best
How It Feels When Someone Thinks You Are The Best
Have you ever experienced someone thinking you are the best? After my children were grown, I took on nanny jobs, caring for several different families’ children, mostly babies, which I loved. May I tell you how one mom made me feel that I was the best? I was verbally affirmed for my thoughts, words, and actions. My opinions were prized and agreed with, and discussions were lively. This person observed me interacting with her child and told me how much she could see I was appreciated and loved by them. She praised my work and methods. She asked my opinion about care of her child. She told me and showed me by her demeanor and affection that I was doing a good job, was appreciated, was wanted and loved. I was “the best thing since sliced bread.” And, it felt wonderful.
It feels very, very good to be appreciated and affirmed. My love language is words of encouragement. Speaking the love language of your child or husband is a sure way to be heard and understood when you are saying, “You’re the best!” But, using all the love languages will guarantee your message gets through. Acceptance, praise, love, affirmation, joy in your voice, happiness when you are together and laughter are all clear messages that “you’re the best” to a person with the love language of words of encouragement.
They are a great place to start to show our family that they mean the world to us, and that they are the best family ever!
Are you waiting until your children improve? When they make the corrections that you have pointed out to them, then you’ll (maybe) praise them? Are you thinking that praise will make them arrogant or proud, so you withhold it?
When I received affirmation, it made me want to please my employer more, to do more, and to never let this person down. I did not want them to lose their good opinion of me for any reason! And it made me adore them.
Let’s try to show through words, actions, and attitudes our love and appreciation for our family, and express joy in their presence, today.
How can we let our family know today that they are the best family ever? Let’s try to show through words, actions, and attitudes our love and appreciation for our family, and express joy in their presence, today.
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Have a Great Week Making Your Home For God!
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